Leap of Faith
by Lady Dragon Daiken Priestess
Summary: Is there anything Ken can do to make up for the evil in his past? YAOI alert


_**Disclaimer**: Digimon isn't mine. No way would I leave all these gorgeous single guys alone, when they have such gorgeous, hunky friends! And the girls...*grin* I'm sure you've figured it out by now. In layman's terms...YAOI AHEAD!!!! _

**Author's note**: This takes place after 'The Crest of Kindness' and is an alternate view on how things could have gone...if the creators didn't have to worry about things like censors...or for us Americans, the dreaded Saban. *grin* 

### 

**Leap of Doom**  
by: **Lady Dragon**

_Human babies...they're real...what have I done?!?!_ No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't escape those three basic truths. Well four if you count how badly I misjudged _everything_. 

_Osamu wouldn't have misjudged. **He** deserves the Crest of Kindness, not me. I'm...I'm a monster._ Those words too had a ring of honesty I couldn't ignore. They were as palpable as the sobs of anguish I could hear coming from my mother outside my bedroom door. 

My mind flashed back to the first time I saw _them_, the first time I could remember having any doubts about what the voice kept telling me. 

_Some genius I am. I fell for a pack of lies custom tailored to my ego...and **thousands** of innocent, living, breathing, **intelligent** creatures paid for my mistake..._ Wormmon's voice echoed through my mind again. "That's right, Master. They're just like human babies." 

As if it was happening _now_ and not several months ago, I watched myself completely destroy Primary Village; the screams of terror from the hatchling Digimon sending chills up my spine now, as they should have then. Instead, I just heard the laugh I'd spent days perfecting; crafted to induce a mindless terror: of me. 

_I'm nothing but a monster!_ my mind cried. The Crest sitting next to my monitor flared brightly in response, and my eyes watered at the sudden brilliance. 

The glow only lasted for a moment, but it was long enough for me to shock me out of my self-recriminations and start thinking of solutions. 

The first thing that came to mind was trying to make amends...perhaps even destroy whatever Control Spires were still standing. _No, that won't work. I **know** the Digimon recognize 'me', even without that ridiculous armor I wore. Those Poyomon I passed before I found my way back to Earth almost buried me alive when they cornered me. And their voices...I never knew so much hatred existed. Even the Digidestined never spoke to me in that tone of voice. Though T.K. came close when he dared to hit...wait, that kind of thinking is what got me into trouble in the first place._

With another sigh I soundlessly rolled over and stared into the darkness that felt a part of me; the only thing familiar in a suddenly unfamiliar world. "How can I make up for all the death and chaos I've caused?" I whispered into the silence, half hoping an answer would echo back. "Please, God...if there is a God, tell me what I can do..." 

I waited, almost breathlessly, hoping without actually _thinking_ the word hope that the answer would magically come bursting in; something to make everything right. But it never came. Instead, I felt the pain of losing Wormmon again; the only being who _ever_ cared about the _real_ me. 

_"Ken, there are other people who care about you! Don't run away from us!"_

_His_ words echoed though my mind again too. What was it about tonight? I couldn't escape the voices of the past; the decisions I'd had no right to make. _Some Emperor_ I thought bitterly to myself. The only thing I can do right is remember the past, and figure out the cubed root of any number to the ninth decimal without a calculator. _Is there anything left for me?_

Nothing but silence answered me. And in the end, isn't that what I am? Nothing...just a waste of space. _A brilliant waste of space_ a tiny voice whispered, one I ignored. The last thing I needed to listen to now, or ever again, was my ego. 

An image of the second time I had truly seen Daisuke Motomiya flashed in my mind, and the forgotten memory that I had _almost_ let him go, until that damn voice has whispered in my mind that he was my one weakness, and all weaknesses must be eliminated. Maybe someday I'd learn why he was my weakness, but penance was more important now; for my crimes against the Digidestined, against the Digital residents of the Digiworld, and especially for what I had done to my Wormmon. _I was so wrong...**he** was my perfect partner, not Kimeramon...I'm so sorry, my friend...my only friend..._

I saw that cliff again in my mind's eye. It was calling to me; somehow I knew _there_ I'd find the answers I was seeking, and the Crest flared again for a moment as if in agreement. 

Quickly scrambling out of bed, I grabbed the first thing that came to hand that looked nothing like my normal clothing. The button down shirt and slacks felt more comfortable than I could remember, and with a lightness in my step that I wished I could feel in my long dormant heart I entered the Digital World again, looking, for lack of a better word, for salvation. 

~~~***~~~

"Ken!" 

"Are you all right?" my partner asked worriedly, staring up at me with wide eyes. 

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and nodded slowly. "Just a bad dream." 

"Why are you dreaming about the Digimon Emperor?" 

"That's a good question, though I don't think he's the Emperor anymore. Did you see the look in his eyes when he finally realized just what you guys are?" I responded softly, shivering faintly. That wasn't the only thing I remembered about his eyes, who _wouldn't_ notice how rich and deep they truly were. 

"But why are you dreaming about him?" my in-training partner asked with a yawn. 

"I promise, the minute I figure that out, you'll be the first to know." _Right after me,_ I added soundlessly. 

"Tell me about it?" 

I couldn't help but chuckle at the wistful, pleading look. "Only if you promise to go back to sleep, and _not_ think about it." With the emphatic nod I got in response, I sighed. "I dreamed that Ken wanted to jump off a cliff, that somehow he was trying to make up for all the stupid evil things he did." _Like that would **really** make up for it. Two wrongs don't make a right, my grandmother used to say._

"Is that what scared you?" 

I hesitated before answering. "Not exactly. It's kinda hard to explain unless you dream." 

I received a very offended look for that comment. Great, me and my big mouth. "I _do_ dream! You just don't notice 'cause you snore so loud. 'Sides, I've never had a scary dream...'cept for remembering how long I was alone..." the little one trailed off sadly, and I winced, knowing how much remembering being trapped under my first Digimental bothered my partner. 

"But we're together now, remember?" I chirped brightly, grinning happily at the smile that spread across those chubby cheeks. 

"Oh yeah! But...what scared you so much then?" I have to admit, when any of our Digimon got it in their heads that something was bothering one of us, they were like a dog with a bone; they refused to drop it, no matter what other tempting morsel was offered. 

"It's just...it felt so real. Like it wasn't a dream at all, but something that really did happen. And I _know_ it hasn't, but it feels like it did...." I couldn't keep the worry out of my voice now. It really had felt real. For once I wasn't taking a creative twist in what I was saying. There wasn't anyone around to impress. 

My partner was obviously thinking about what I had said, all traces of sleepiness gone. Finally, with an adorable tilt, and widened, eager eyes the last thing I ever expected to hear was uttered. "Will it make you feel better to go and see this place?" 

I thought about that, and nodded slowly. "That's a really good idea. If I see it isn't true, then it won't bother me anymore." I grinned teasingly. "You're pretty smart for a little guy." 

With that mischievously glint in those enormous eyes, I knew I was in trouble. "It's not that hard, at least with _you_ around." 

"Hey!" I reached out and mercilessly started tickling him, grinning evilly at his pleas for mercy. "You shoulda thought a'that 'fore you made fun of me." When we were both breathless from laughter I glanced at my clock. _Two thirty. That means I have about five hours before the sun comes up here. Plenty of time to sneak on the computer, gate to the Digiworld and still get a few more hours of sleep before school._

I stood up, grabbed my D-3, D-Terminal and my partner and headed to the family room. _Please don't wake up, please don't wake up...oh thank goodness. And the best thing is I can **go** in my pajamas, my clothing always changes anyway!_ "Are you ready?" 

"Let's go!" 

"Digiport open!" I hissed softly, and my world dissolved around me. 

~~~***~~~

Ken stood looking over the edge, patiently waiting for the answer he knew was hovering at just the edge of his conscience. _I'll wait forever if I have to, if it will only help make up for what I've done...so I can look at myself in the mirror..._

He closed his eyes, relying on his perfect sense of balance to keep from tumbling to his death, and his violet eyes slammed open at that subconscious thought. "You want me to _jump_?" he demanded the canyon incredulously. 

His only answer was the sense of peace he felt slowly filling him, and a faint echo of "waste of space" that seemed to come from both everywhere and no where at the same time. 

"If I jump, there won't be any humans the Digimon fear. There will be no way I'll hear that voice again...I'll be free..." 

"Waste of space...free..." Both phrases echoed softly, and Ken gave up wondering if he was truly hearing them, or it was his newly freed conscience, and he didn't care. It was the only solution he had been able to come up with that made any sense. 

_I don't have anything to live for, _ he started to realize. _Mama and Dad wish I was Osamu...the entire Digital world hates me...and maybe if I jump I'll see Wormmon again._ That last thought settled it. A chance to see his small green friend was all that mattered now, and with confident strides he walked to the very edge, so close that only by resting all of his weight on his heels was he keeping from falling forward. 

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, at least not in the beginning..." the genius whispered, the wind carrying his voice into the canyon where the walls strengthened his whisper into an ever-loudening cry. 

With a smile, the first real smile to cross his face in years, Ken leaned forward; trusting his fate to whatever guardian led him to this crossroads, opened his arms as if to embrace the world he had tried to conquer and fell. 

~~~***~~~

"So where are we going?" 

The young teen smiled in memory. "Do you remember that canyon right after we all first met here? That's what I saw in my dream. In fact, he jumped from right..." He trailed off, staring in horror at his dream turned reality. "Ken, NO!" 

He started running, desperately trying to pull my D-3 out of my pocket. "Come on, dammit...get out!" 

Veemon, trusting that I would get it out in time, fearlessly leapt after the falling boy. 

With a sound of ripping fabric his Digivice was extended and he screamed at the top of his lungs, "DIGI-ARMOR ENERGIZE!" 

"Veemon armor Digivolve to...FlameDramon, the Fire of Courage!" 

Daisuke knelt at the edge, watching in horrified fascination as his Digimon tried to reach their former enemy before he hit the rocks below. A faint echo of, "Almost got him!" bounced up, reaching his ears in time to match FlameDramon's last burst of fiery energy and shattering of stone as both Digimon and boy literally bounced off the rocks. 

FlameDramon waved his tail reassuringly before starting the long jumping climb back up the canyon walls, gently cradling the unconscious former-Emperor in his arms. As he reached the top he had just enough strength left to gently lay the boy down and devolved into a quivering bundle of blue exhaustion. 

"You did it Veemon!" Daisuke hugged his partner tightly before turning to look at the peaceful body lying before him. "He isn't..." 

"I don't know, D'ske. I caught him before we hit the rocks, but he hasn't moved at all." 

Daisuke started to panic. "I don't know what to do! I'm not a doctor, or a surgeon, or Joe! Wait, Joe! We can get him here and..." he trailed off again as Ken groaned softly and his eyes fluttered open. 

"Am I dead? Can I see Wormmon before I face my punishment, please?" The softly spoken words, the guilt and hopelessness that pulsed in every syllable nearly brought Daisuke to tears. 

"You're not dead, but if we'd gotten here any later you might have been." 

"If you wanted to find Wormmon, why didn't you go to Primary Village?" Veemon asked tiredly at the same time. 

Ken blinked once or twice in disbelief. "_Daisuke?_ You....you saved me?" The young genius sat up slowly and stared in complete amazement at the redhead kneeling next to him. _He looks scared...but why? I was only trying to make up for what I did wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore..._

"Well, technically...I didn't do anything. FlameDramon's the one who actually caught you." Both boys smiled weakly when Veemon tried to smile smugly and yawned instead. "No one deserves to die, Ken, not even you." 

"What else can I do to make up for what I've done? If I die, then all the Digimon will be avenged..." 

"You know, for a genius, you're almost as stupid as I act." Daisuke hid a grin at the instinctive bristling the amethyst eyed boy did at being called stupid. "There's still a lot of places that need help cleaning up. We tried to tell you this yesterday, but you didn't listen. Will you listen now?" 

Ken stared at the redhead thoughtfully. "You almost sound as if you mean it." 

Daisuke shrugged, reaching out to caress Veemon's head. "That's 'cause I do. Wormmon believed in you enough to sacrifice himself to save you. That's more than enough reason for me to believe in you too. I've learned that in some ways they're wiser than we are." He grinned conspiratorially. "The secret is not to tell them that too often." 

Ken's lips twitched at the snort the small blue dragon gave at his partner's words before opening one eye slowly to stare at the partnerless Digidestined. "Can I ask you something?" Ken nodded silently. "Don't you know Digimon can't really die?" 

"B...but I saw him...and he said good-bye!" 

This time the smugness couldn't be stopped. "This is the _Digi_world, remember? Very little actually gets wasted here. When Digimon die, they're reborn as Digieggs." 

The violet-eyed boy was almost too afraid to ask, "You mean, I could see Wormmon again?" 

"Well, duh." Daisuke retorted with a teasing grin before turning more serious. "Would you like some company?" 

"P...please?" Ken asked softly, immensely relieved when both Digimon and Digidestined immediately agreed. "T...thank you." 

"No sweat. Us Digidestined hafta stick together after all." The redhead stood up and reached down to tug the older boy to his feet. "Let's go." 

"One moment, please?" Daisuke turned and looked at Ken curiously. "H...how did you know to be here?" 

The leader of the Digidestined reached out and hesitantly took his former enemy's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I thought it was a dream, but maybe you called me. I'm just glad Veemon suggested we come." 

With a faint smile, Ken squeezed Daisuke's hand back. "I am too. I feel..." He turned and looked back to the spot he'd made his personal leap of faith and sensed, rather than saw the worried frown that crossed the redhead's face. "I feel...reborn, I guess would be the best word." 

"I'm just glad you didn't die. I think I'd miss having you around." Daisuke blushed faintly and looked away. 

"Me too, Daisuke, me too." And together they walked off, still hand in hand. 


End file.
